Adventures In Gimmicky Soda

Let me start off by saying that our review of the Jones Soda 2005 Holiday Packs Should not deter you from trying regular Jones Soda flavors. Over at Bag Lunch, we love Jones Soda... they taste great and the packaging is fantastic. However, the soda sets we are about to review are more of a curiosity that make good gifts for the holidays, if the recipient doesn't actually drink the stuff. We actually purchased two of each set.. one to try and one to save. The packaging is that good.

Our review panel consists of four brave souls... two professional chefs with delicate palates, both of whom can detect the slightest of flavors with amazing accuracy and two culinary civilians who are regular visitors to the Macaroni and Cheese isle of the supermarket. (I fall into the latter group.)

Through the teeth and past the gums, look out stomach here it comes......

We first reviewed the National Jones Soda 2005 Holiday Pack, from which a portion of proceeds goes to St. Jude's Children's Research Center. (This Holiday Pack can be bought at most Target Stores.)

Turkey and Gravy:
Upon unscrewing the cap, the chefs immediatly comment on the plasticy smell it emmits. I think it smells a bit like meat, but mostly gravy-like. My fellow civilian takes a quick swig and swallows with a pinched face. "It's salty," he says. We all taste it and agree; It's pretty salty. Upon further inspection, the chefs decide that there is an undertone of whole grain flavor. I take another sip and can't taste it. All I taste is salt, with a slight turkey whisper in there somewhere.
The Final Verdict....Salt in a beverage is no good.

Wild Herb Stuffing:
This one isn't so bad. I think it smells like jelly beans. The chefs decide it smells like cream soda and lemon.
I tack the reins on this one and kick back the first sip. All i can taste is seltzer, with maybe a little sugary something.
The chefs take sips respectively and immediatly agree with one another that this soda tastes like thyme and lemon.
The Final Verdict....Not entirely bad, but we won't be purchasing a six-pack of this anytime soon.

Brussels Sprout with Prosciutto:
I take the first sniff, and it smells not good. Not good at all. Ugh. The chefs think it smells a bit buttery and my fellow civilian thinks it reeks of lawn clippings. Ugh. The chefs taste first and determine that it tastes of butter and sour milk with tree bark. I can honestly say that this is awful. I take the smallest of sips and immediately grab my emergency water. (We all have glasses of emergency water to gulp from, in the event that something is utterly dibilitating)
The Final Verdict...Never again. Ever.

Cranberry Sauce:
The four of us agree that this smells like cranberries. This is fantastic, compared to what we just endured.
We also all agree that this pretty much tastes like diet cranberry soda. (we realize now that all these sodas are sweetened with artificial sweetners, which may be the cause for the sweetly-hollow aftertaste that the sodas posess.)
The Final Verdict...A godsend among a mess of putrid beverages.

Pumpkin Pie:
We civilians think this smells like a candle. The chefs think this smells like spice and squash. I take a sip and it tastes exactly like it smells. Candles. It tastes like candles. The chefs agree with me on the taste, surprisingly.
The Final Verdict...Imagine walking into a country store and popping a few candles into your mouth. Seriously.

We next reviewed the Regional Jones Soda 2005 Holiday Pack, from which a portion of proceeds goes to Toys For Tots.
(this pack is more difficult to find, as it's sold only in select stores. We used the store locator at www.jonessoda.com to find a store near us that carries this)

Turkey and Gravy:
This is the same flavor as in the National Pack, and we aren't going to subject ourselves to this again.

Broccoli Casserole:
The other civilian puts his nose to the bottle and inhales deeply. "Not unpleasant, kinda sweet." is his response. I do the same and agree. The chefs take sips and decide that it tastes like molasses and maple. No element of broccoli in there at all and I don't think that's such a bad thing.
The Final Verdict: In comparison to the other flavors, not so bad. Compared to something like Sprite, this is awful. See, it's all relative!

Smoked Salmon Paté:
First, the name alone frightens me. I do not like fish, and definitely don't like liquid fish. We all sniff the bile in the bottle and recoil in horror. It smells like fish and oranges. I will repeat that; FISH and oranges. Oh, gross. Brave soldiers that we are, we all take sips. I think it tastes like old meat or some sort of dried jerky product. It has a fish aftertaste that causes me to dive for the emergency water. (Not a fan of fish, remember?) The chefs comment on the fishy aftertaste and say that there is a slight element of "old pretzel" to it.
The Final Verdict... I still don't like fish. Where is my water, again?

Corn on the Cob:
I find this to not have much of an odor at all. The other testers agree. Everyone tastes it and comments that it tastes sugary with a hint of caramel. After the fish fiasco, the lack of flavor that "Corn on the Cob" posesses is a welcome guest in our house.
The Final Verdict...This is a good, not horrible addition to this pack, much like "Cranberry Sauce" is from the national pack.

Pecan Pie:
Nutty and maple-ish is the consensus for the fragrance of this brown liquid.
As far as taste goes, we all agree that this is pretty close to the flavor name. Nutty.
The Final Verdict... Not bad, but we're not going to finish the bottle.

All in all, these sodas are great for their element of oddness and kitsch factor. These are not great for drinking.